My husband and I got married later than a lot of our friends. This meant that, by the time we sat down to plan our own day, we’d been to a lot of weddings and watched people create beautiful days that felt like an expression of their personalities and relationship. And we wanted ours to feel completely like us – most particularly when it came to our ceremony.
We really interrogated all the usual wedding ceremony traditions, and chose to keep things that felt right for us, got rid of things that didn’t, and added in some new elements.
It took a surprisingly long time and involved many conversations over glasses of wine. It was hard; it was so much fun.
Here are five things we did differently:
1. My husband didn’t wait at the front
He preferred to wait at the back of the acacia tree clearing where we had the ceremony until I arrived (much less all-eyes-on-you), and then he walked down the aisle – with our dog, Eleanor. They chose their own song. She stole the show a bit, but that was not unexpected.
2. I walked myself down the aisle
This was really important to me, and the first thing I knew for sure about what I wanted from our wedding. It felt emotional and empowering and so right.
The initial plan had been for me to make my way down a path to the clearing where everyone was waiting, but in the week leading up to the wedding there were torrential rains, which made everything pretty muddy. So, in the end, the lovely wedding venue owner drove me to the back of the clearing, parked sideways, and let me out the back door so I was hidden. And, then, as soon as my husband had walked down the aisle, she drove off – an unplanned big reveal (not to be too dramatic but people gasped), and a reminder that sometimes the most magic comes from things you don’t plan.
3. We didn’t have a bridal party – but we asked our moms to stand up with us
This was my husband’s idea and I loved it. To us, it represented the important role they have played in both our lives. We wanted to acknowledge the fact that a wedding is a blending of families, but at the same time, it’s also the start of a separate, new unit. So, they stood with us for the first half of the ceremony, and then, during the ring warming, they sat down, leaving just the two of us at the front as we said our vows.
4. We wrote our own ceremony – and probably spoke more than the officiant did
It felt important to weave our own story into the wedding ceremony and make it personal, meaningful and authentic. For example, we had the minister ask each of us in turn about “the moment when we knew” (our answers being a surprise on the day). We chose moments at such different points in our relationship, which I loved.
So many people got in touch with us to say how much they loved how different our ceremony was, and what an impact it had on them – which meant so much to me.
5. We did our first dance right after we were pronounced husband and wife
This was a surprise for everyone – except my sister, who I asked to help remove my veil and pin up my train surreptitiously as we were signing the register (which worked well as she was our witness, and also because she’s an excellent secret-keeper).
The first dance timing was also my husband’s idea – another stroke of genius as it felt like such a celebration.
When he dipped me, my vision filled with upside down acacias, and nothing has ever felt like such a dream but so hyper-real all at once.
Photos by the wonderful Herman Verwey