If you decide to write your own wedding vows, there are so many formats that they can take – it really depends on what you want, and what feels like the best fit for you.
My favourite format is a combination of joint vows and individual appreciations.
Joint vows would be the same set of promises that you craft together, based on values you choose, interrogate and workshop. What I like about these joint promises is that they can act as touchstones in your marriage – a simple but profound north star that you can return to again and again as you journey through life together.
Appreciations (my favourite) are separate reflections on your relationship and what you’re grateful for in your partner. You say these before your joint vows, and they are a surprise for each other on the day. The reason I love them is that they are an opportunity to weave your story into your vows. To make it personal and beautiful and real.
Of all the wedding writing I do, these tend to be the most meaningful for me.
To give you an idea of what an appreciation can look like, I thought I would share one that I wrote for an exquisite styled shoot I was invited to be part of recently at Karkloof Safari Spa (If you’re looking for the dreamiest wedding venue you could imagine, this is it… They’ve just opened for bookings!). Given that it was a styled shoot, I made up the couple and their backstory in my mind, so none of this is real. But – but! – when a lovely couple read it at the shoot, the person sitting in front of me shed an actual tear.
Kelly – I’ve always been a bit of a skeptic. As you know (maybe too well), if you ask me how likely something is, I will approach the question scientifically. It’s the reason I say, “What are the odds?” instead of, “What are the chances?”
Chances are abstract. But you can measure the odds.
What are the odds that you get invited to your friends’ braai on the one weekend you’re passing through town, because a work trip was extended? What are the odds that you say yes, even though you’re knackered and teetered on the edge of saying no for more than a moment? What are the odds that, in a garden full of people – in a world full of people – there you were, walking across the lawn towards me?
Small. The odds are small, guys.
You, on the other hand, are a chances person. Because you are endlessly hopeful.
I love how you look at the world so differently to the way I do. I love how you get lost in a book or a song or a painting – or the aisles of the supermarket. I love how you choose a bottle of wine based on the design of the label. I love how you treat everyone with such kindness; how you’re so quick to look for mitigating factors when someone behaves badly.
I promise to honour the way that you approach life. To give you space to get lost in your art. To look for mitigating factors in our hard moments. I promise to always come and find you when I lose you in the supermarket. (Odds are on the wine aisle. Admiring the labels.)
You look at the world like it’s full of magic – and the thing that you’ve taught me, is that it is. Because I met you.
What are the chances?
This is one half of the appreciations I wrote – perhaps I’ll share Kelly’s in another post…
If you’d like to chat about weaving your own love story into personal vows, please get in touch. I would love to help you turn your thoughts and feelings into tangible magic.
Photos by the exceptionally talented The Keepers Media (who also happen to be some of the loveliest people you will meet).
Here’s a list of the wonderful vendors from the shoot, if you’re looking for some supplier inspo – I really cannot recommend each one of them more!
Venue: @weddingsatkarkloof
Flowers and Décor: @byjackieweddingsandfunctions
Photography and video: @thekeepers_mediasa
Wedding dresses: @bespoke_by_maryke
Engagement shoot outfits: @hareandmanuela
Models: @acemodels_midlands @mobile_model_management
Catering: @thefataubergine
Jewelry: @kellyjayjewellery
Stationery: @handmadebyjanine
Cake: @marezeldabreet
Hair: @hair_by_nikiki_
Makeup: @chantellevanwyk_aesthetics
Fresh alstromeria and stocks: @keanonflowers
Vision and coordination: @kirstenvale_weddings
Lighting: @draperite