Of all the things I write for Something True, personal vows are my favourite. I find them so moving, every. single. time. But, while I love them, they’re not really something I can share on my website or social media, precisely because they are so personal.
Except for these…
Last year I was invited to be part of a styled shoot at the dreamy Karkloof Safari Spa along with a bunch of incredible suppliers. Given that it was a styled shoot, I made up the couple and their backstory in my mind, so none of this is real.
Weirdly, though, there were some uncanny similarities between Kelly and Jay, the couple who read the vows, and the people I made up for the project.
I decided to write these vows in my favourite format: separate appreciations the couple says to one another – a more free-form portion of the wedding vows, right from the heart. And then a separate set of promises that they read together at the end, forming their own unique marriage contract, in a way, because they’re based on the values that are most important to them in their specific relationship.
I posted the appreciation that Jay spoke to Kelly a little while ago, so I thought I would share Kelly’s too.
Both of them said to me afterwards that they wished they’d had vows like this on their real wedding day, which is something I still hold close.
Jay – someone asked me recently if there was a moment when I knew I wanted to marry you. And the answer is… not really.
There wasn’t one big moment. There were a thousand little ones. When you move through the world alongside someone, you notice things about them that paint a picture of who they are. Of what it might be like to spend a life with them.
Like that time you gave my friends a lift to the airport when I was busy – even though you were on a crazy deadline – because they were nervous to travel in an Uber with their small baby. You finished work at 2am that night, and they had no idea. Or the time you ran outside in the middle of the night in Iceland in your pajamas and slip slops because you saw the Northern Lights and it was urgent. Or, just the other day when you came running to find me to tell me about a recent study that found that elephants call each other by name, and we’ve only just figured it out using AI algorithms to analyse decades of recordings.
You are such a thoughtful, kind, passionate, intelligent, hilarious, considerate person. And, the simple truth is that, having experienced five years of life with you, I don’t want to do another one without you.
There’s this great line in a Susan Sarandon movie where she asks this guy why he thinks people choose to get married. I can’t remember his answer. But I do remember hers: We need a witness to our lives.
She says, “There are a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness’.”
Jay, I cannot think of a greater privilege than to be your witness. To be your wife.
If you’d like to chat about weaving your own love story into personal vows, please get in touch. I would love to help you turn your thoughts and feelings into some of the most important words you will ever say.
Venue: @weddingsatkarkloof
Vision and coordination: @kirstenvale_weddings
Flowers and Décor: @byjackieweddingsandfunctions
Photography and video: @thekeepers_mediasa
Wedding dresses: @bespoke_by_maryke
Engagement shoot outfits: @hareandmanuela
Models: @acemodels_midlands @mobile_model_management
Catering: @thefataubergine
Jewelry: @kellyjayjewellery
Stationery: @handmadebyjanine
Cake: @marezeldabreet
Hair: @hair_by_nikiki_
Makeup: @chantellevanwyk_aesthetics
Fresh alstroemeria and stocks: @keanonflowers
Lighting: @draperite